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Let me just start by saying I made a mistake.
I'm willing to admit that right off the bat. In the flurry of moving for the second time in six months last June I managed to pack up and promptly forget about my credit cards - not a one had been touched purchase-wise since 2003 and I as a lowly former bookstore employee had been making just above the minimum payments due, sometimes a little more once Captain's separation pay kicked in, steadily for 8 or nine months without fail.
Until the move. When I forgot to alert anyone of the brand new address change. So I did what anyone would do, I waited until the mail was forwarded to the new house and filled out the "I have moved, please send my bills here, kthnxbi" form on the back of the bill.
This worked because I received all my other CC bills and received this particular CC bills up through August. Then they stopped.
A fact I didn't actually notice until last week when I found my box of CC cards again and called all the companies to see where I stood and request new cards because the others had never been activated (because, seriously, I wasn't kidding about not using my cards - I've been paying off these last three years, not charging) and I might actually need one of them come tax season.
So - yes, it's totally my fault that I haven't made a payment on Card Asshattery since August. Totally admit that. However, they had my address at one point because I got the bills up to August and I moved in June, yet they claimed they didn't. Also - they couldn't fucking call me to be all "Hey, Missmiah? We, uh, haven't heard from you for five months. Did you die?"
Anywho - so I discover this extra card that is so far over limit and late it's not funny and I, knowing it's my initial error, ask for the missing statements to be sent to me so I can double check that no little hooligans from the old neighborhood managed to get their hands on my old missing bills and run rampant on my card.
"Ma'am, your billing cycle ended on Tuesday and it's Wednesday. You need to make a payment today or we will consider you late."
"Ma'am, according to you I haven't made a payment since AUGUST. Tuesday isn't terribly important to me right now."
Also, I'm not authorizing a rather large e-check sight unseen - sorry. Deal, people.
So I ask for my statements for August to now. And they send me statements from 2003. 2003. WTF?
So I immediately call back and ask for current statements, even just one at this point cause I'm trying to be a good consumer and fix my error but still I don't have the cash on hand for a $--- lump sum payment, however, I would like to set up a payment plan with someone, perhaps one or two smaller payments a month until the card is back under the limit and no longer getting an additional hundred bucks in fees tacked on each month. "The department you need to speak with is not working today, I'm sorry."
*headdesk* This is three times in a span of two days I've called them, at this point.
So, I'm waiting on my statement which did not arrive in yesterday's mail.
And at 8:10 this morning, the asshat calls.
"We need you to make a payment of $--- over the phone this morning." "No." "Are you disputing the charges?" It's eight AM. I've been asleep two-three hours at the most. "As I explained when I called three times last week, I am waiting for a statement, once that statement arrives I will call and alert someone that a payment has been sent, probably not $--- cause I don't have that much money, but a payment never the less. No, I will not do an electronic check over the phone."
"Can you do half of it today?" I seriously stared at the phone for a second. "Once the statement has arrived I will physically mail in a check." "Ma'am -" Have I ever mentioned how the word Ma'am uttered in a dick-head tone makes me want to shove something large and spiked up someones ass? "Ma'am, we send out statements as a courtesy; however, your payment is required." "No."
Look, at this point I am five months behind on payments, I am over the limit, I am late... WTF are they going to do to me they haven't already done? I called them. I tried three times to get someone to tell me what I owed and to set up some kind of payment schedule and my only request was a piece of paper to reassure me that I was A) dealing with the right company as my CC gets bought out every three fucking months B) not going to be covering Johnny Juniors crack habit from the old neighborhood. In other words - threats don't mean dick to me at EIGHT AM.
"Ma'am, may I ask what the difference between paying over the phone and by check in the mail is to you? I don't understand why you won't make the -" "Sir," I said in the same tone I use when I address a spider I have just flushed down the toilet and am mocking. "Sir, I called you, three times, I have given you my phone number again which you already had and which you are already using at EIGHT AM, and my current mailing address which y'll claimed to have lost. Do you people think I'm just attempting to toy with you? I said NO and that is the only explanation I need to provide at this point. You will get a payment when I get. My. Statement."
Cause now? It's the principle of the thing.
My husband is standing there giggling at me at this point.
I'm just... EIGHT FUCKING AM? In the morning? Bastages.
ETA: Captain thoughtfully woke me up just before three this afternoon - yes, I over slept after the rudeness of this morning - and I found a statement from This Year. So I called them up and talked to a polite woman named Marsha and explained that I? Am an idiot, I'm not denying this, but also? I'm not paying $--- in one lump payment cause I don't have it. However, would they be willing to settle for $--- today and $--- after payday on the 28th? Cause I'm willing to do that and both payments would be before the next payment period ended. I'm just sayin'.
So, thirty minutes later, I've been thanked for making an effort and calling in - THANK YOU - and two payments were arranged, three months worth of late and over limit fees were removed, and she told me to have Captain send a fax from his CO saying he was on active duty during the whole of last year which will get my interest rate dropped back down to 6% AND will also earn a credit for the last five months of being charged 29% for being stupid.
All in all an acceptable ending for everyone - except for the asshat I tattled on from this morning.
I'm willing to admit that right off the bat. In the flurry of moving for the second time in six months last June I managed to pack up and promptly forget about my credit cards - not a one had been touched purchase-wise since 2003 and I as a lowly former bookstore employee had been making just above the minimum payments due, sometimes a little more once Captain's separation pay kicked in, steadily for 8 or nine months without fail.
Until the move. When I forgot to alert anyone of the brand new address change. So I did what anyone would do, I waited until the mail was forwarded to the new house and filled out the "I have moved, please send my bills here, kthnxbi" form on the back of the bill.
This worked because I received all my other CC bills and received this particular CC bills up through August. Then they stopped.
A fact I didn't actually notice until last week when I found my box of CC cards again and called all the companies to see where I stood and request new cards because the others had never been activated (because, seriously, I wasn't kidding about not using my cards - I've been paying off these last three years, not charging) and I might actually need one of them come tax season.
So - yes, it's totally my fault that I haven't made a payment on Card Asshattery since August. Totally admit that. However, they had my address at one point because I got the bills up to August and I moved in June, yet they claimed they didn't. Also - they couldn't fucking call me to be all "Hey, Missmiah? We, uh, haven't heard from you for five months. Did you die?"
Anywho - so I discover this extra card that is so far over limit and late it's not funny and I, knowing it's my initial error, ask for the missing statements to be sent to me so I can double check that no little hooligans from the old neighborhood managed to get their hands on my old missing bills and run rampant on my card.
"Ma'am, your billing cycle ended on Tuesday and it's Wednesday. You need to make a payment today or we will consider you late."
"Ma'am, according to you I haven't made a payment since AUGUST. Tuesday isn't terribly important to me right now."
Also, I'm not authorizing a rather large e-check sight unseen - sorry. Deal, people.
So I ask for my statements for August to now. And they send me statements from 2003. 2003. WTF?
So I immediately call back and ask for current statements, even just one at this point cause I'm trying to be a good consumer and fix my error but still I don't have the cash on hand for a $--- lump sum payment, however, I would like to set up a payment plan with someone, perhaps one or two smaller payments a month until the card is back under the limit and no longer getting an additional hundred bucks in fees tacked on each month. "The department you need to speak with is not working today, I'm sorry."
*headdesk* This is three times in a span of two days I've called them, at this point.
So, I'm waiting on my statement which did not arrive in yesterday's mail.
And at 8:10 this morning, the asshat calls.
"We need you to make a payment of $--- over the phone this morning." "No." "Are you disputing the charges?" It's eight AM. I've been asleep two-three hours at the most. "As I explained when I called three times last week, I am waiting for a statement, once that statement arrives I will call and alert someone that a payment has been sent, probably not $--- cause I don't have that much money, but a payment never the less. No, I will not do an electronic check over the phone."
"Can you do half of it today?" I seriously stared at the phone for a second. "Once the statement has arrived I will physically mail in a check." "Ma'am -" Have I ever mentioned how the word Ma'am uttered in a dick-head tone makes me want to shove something large and spiked up someones ass? "Ma'am, we send out statements as a courtesy; however, your payment is required." "No."
Look, at this point I am five months behind on payments, I am over the limit, I am late... WTF are they going to do to me they haven't already done? I called them. I tried three times to get someone to tell me what I owed and to set up some kind of payment schedule and my only request was a piece of paper to reassure me that I was A) dealing with the right company as my CC gets bought out every three fucking months B) not going to be covering Johnny Juniors crack habit from the old neighborhood. In other words - threats don't mean dick to me at EIGHT AM.
"Ma'am, may I ask what the difference between paying over the phone and by check in the mail is to you? I don't understand why you won't make the -" "Sir," I said in the same tone I use when I address a spider I have just flushed down the toilet and am mocking. "Sir, I called you, three times, I have given you my phone number again which you already had and which you are already using at EIGHT AM, and my current mailing address which y'll claimed to have lost. Do you people think I'm just attempting to toy with you? I said NO and that is the only explanation I need to provide at this point. You will get a payment when I get. My. Statement."
Cause now? It's the principle of the thing.
My husband is standing there giggling at me at this point.
I'm just... EIGHT FUCKING AM? In the morning? Bastages.
ETA: Captain thoughtfully woke me up just before three this afternoon - yes, I over slept after the rudeness of this morning - and I found a statement from This Year. So I called them up and talked to a polite woman named Marsha and explained that I? Am an idiot, I'm not denying this, but also? I'm not paying $--- in one lump payment cause I don't have it. However, would they be willing to settle for $--- today and $--- after payday on the 28th? Cause I'm willing to do that and both payments would be before the next payment period ended. I'm just sayin'.
So, thirty minutes later, I've been thanked for making an effort and calling in - THANK YOU - and two payments were arranged, three months worth of late and over limit fees were removed, and she told me to have Captain send a fax from his CO saying he was on active duty during the whole of last year which will get my interest rate dropped back down to 6% AND will also earn a credit for the last five months of being charged 29% for being stupid.
All in all an acceptable ending for everyone - except for the asshat I tattled on from this morning.
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