In over my head - more baby panicking, sorry

[missmiah]

I'm a planner. I like to have a firm idea of what to expect before I go on trips, I like to have scheduled times, I like to know what I need to have in advance of showing up somewhere. Heck, during the shopping trip to Babies R Us with my parents I had spreadsheets with prices, broken down into subsections of need/want/secondary want so that we could get in and out as quickly as possible and make the most use of my stack of 20% off coupons.

There are some (myself included) who might call me anal retentive, even.

So... I really, really hate feeling like I'm not prepared for something, and I really do not feel prepared to have this baby.

Sure, I've got a few months yet before I probably need to really worry, but I am already getting irritable and panicky and that's... not good for me or the baby or Captain, really, since he's going to be bearing the brunt of Cranky Miahness.

I've got lists everywhere. Lists of things we need. Lists of things we've got. Lists of things we might need. Lists of things we'd want if we were totally rich. Lists of things we could use in the future but don't want to buy ourselves because where would we put it and also who needs a high chair for an infant, but Captain seems to think we might need to have a large item back on the baby registry because he's heard rumblings of asking for an idea for a nice gift from work.

Every list just seems to remind me that I really have no friggin' clue what I'm doing.

None.

I am faking it with the best of my ability, but seriously, you can only learn so much from reading books and forums on the internet, and I thought at first I'd be okay, I had a younger sister, I babysat, surely I can remember how to do some of this stuff... but oh my goodness, no.

Do you have any idea how complicated breastfeeding is? How many parts are required besides just the obvious two?

Don't even get me started on formula feeding, i haven't even looked at that mess yet.

And clothes.

I mean, I get the gist. Naked babies in winter = bad, so clothes = good. But what clothes? Layers? What can he wear in his carseat, versus in his stroller? Are bodysuits and pants and maybe a sweatshirt/sweater ok with a blanket for travel, or do I need more? Is the quilted shower cappy car seat cover I have enough to keep him warm? What about sleeping? Footie PJs with swaddlemes or HALO sleepsacks? Too much? Not enough?

Also, I keep hearing that I should stock up on diapers from one side, but not to stock up too much from the other because you don't know if the kind you get will work for the baby. Same with bottles. You need bottles (assuming you plan to use them, and even if we do get to breast feed exclusively, I'm using bottles because why should I have all the middle of the night feeding fun), but don't buy too many of one kind because they may not work with the baby. Oh, and bottle nipples - so many different kinds. And clothes again - you need some newborn, but the baby may never even fit in the newborn, so have the clothes on hand, but don't open/wash them because you may need to return them and some places have a 90 day return policy so don't buy too early.

So, in short, I'm expected to be prepared for every contingency, which would be workable if I had a clue what even half of those contingencies even were. And I know full well that the moment that kid is born any and all plans I've made will be going out the window because babies to not work with plans. Babies don't even care because babies are like honey badgers.

So. Panicking. Already.

Comments

[shiv5468.livejournal.com]

It's not that you don't know what you're doing, you're just waiting for more information before you can make some decisions.

So you're entirely prepped!

[devsgma.livejournal.com]

Miah, sweetie, take a breath. Take ten. Take as many as you need, cause I have a big, totally secret, secret to share with you that no one else will.

Ready?

No one is ever prepared to be a parent. Honest. As long as you love the child, which you will, you'll learn on the job together. All the books, all the advice, will never apply exactly to you and your baby. It's scary, it's damned scary to be responsible for that little life, but you'll do fine.

The baby won't give a damn about how many clothes are in the drawer or closet waiting. An old rule of thumb that I always used, if I was cold, the baby was cold. If I was too damned hot, the baby was probably too damned hot. Since you're in Georgia, I don't imagine you'll have to bundle the baby up too much, so I wouldn't worry about heavy things. Their skin is very tender and new, so the biggest problem you may face will be shielding the baby from sunburn. That's what those nice little light weight blankets are handy for, although I'm damned if I can think of them right off the bat,

Feeding? I don't think the nipple matters. As long as the baby gets their food, they're happy. ;) I remember I had to burb Jeremy after every two or three ounces, otherwise he'd barf up what he'd eaten. John could chug down eight ounces without a problem at all.

You'll adjust and the baby will learn what works for both of you.

Monkey kisses and rose!

[missmiah.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Devs. I know I'm starting to panic for no reason (if nothing else, it is way way too early) but I just can't chill out. I just... I'm going to be responsible for someone who is going to be totally dependent on me and the decisions I make, and that's really scary, I think. I mean, the decisions I make early on could scar this kid for life, and I know he's going to end up weird anyway because look at his parents. I don't need to make things worse. :)

I suspect I just need a breather away from baby related things. I feel like that's all I've been doing for weeks, planning for baby, making lists for baby, buying things for baby, setting baby's things up. I just need to take some Miah time, I think.

[devsgma.livejournal.com]

"I'm going to be responsible for someone who is going to be totally dependent on me and the decisions I make, and that's really scary, I think. I mean, the decisions I make early on could scar this kid for life, and I know he's going to end up weird anyway because look at his parents. I don't need to make things worse."

It's the scariest thing ever, but it's also the best thing ever. It's normal to be scared and have the concerns you do.

I think you're spot on with the taking some Miah time. Pamper yourself and do whatever the heck you want that will make you feel better. xoxoxoxo

Here, I'll get bossy for you

[kauricat.livejournal.com]

What little I know about having new babies at home:

You need a good-sized swaddling blanket. You wrap the kid tightly in this at bedtime (there is a special way and you really have to do it tightly, or they'll get an arm out and start crying). Then lay the child on his back in his crib. They like to feel constrained at first, theoretically because it reminds them of the womb. And THEN you put another blanket over the swaddled baby from about the mid-chest down to make sure the kid stays warm.

Along with the "womb" thing, using a shhshing sound is soothing to them if you do it so that it sounds like Mom's heart heard from within. You can even get machines that do this, but doing it yourself works fine.

Blankets are really good in general. My sister told me (and I did not believe her at first, but evidence bore out what she said) that mothers and babies have the right body temperatures to be comfortable together. When she held the baby, he was fine. When I held him, he was cold. Another blanket-mandatory situation. So when Captain is holding your son, if the baby can't seem to get completely comfortable, try throwing a blanket over them. Also, my sister kept it REALLY hot in the house, because their temps were both elevated and anything less felt freezing. You may warn Captain that could happen and if it does, hands off the thermostat.

It was our experience that Nephew would tell us when he was cold. Whining and squirming without big screaming usually meant "I'm cold."

Nipples and pacifiers are definitely a matter of the child's preference. I hope you'll get lucky with your first choice. My nephew liked Soothies, and he particularly liked it if you held your finger inside so he could gum it. Kid was so little he could barely eat enough at a sitting, but he had a BITE.

They'll tell you this at the hospital, probably, and it's early for this advice now, but when you feed, make sure to stop every so often (we did it every ounce, but we had a bottle so that was an easy measure for us) and burp the hell out of that baby. You really have to be firm with the rubbing/patting and the first time you get a real burp, it's startling because you think "WTF? Did that just come out of this tiny baby??" It'll save you a lot of mess if you make sure to do this even when the baby complains that he's not done eating, damnit. Once you get one really good burp, and maybe two, it's safe to proceed.

(continued)

Re: Here, I'll get bossy for you

[kauricat.livejournal.com]

He'll want to go to sleep when he's done eating, which makes the final burping particularly contentious, but be strong. Do not let that baby go prone without a last burping. Having a baby wake himself up urping up his dinner through his nose is tragic and traumatic for everyone and worth avoiding.

If you don't have a chair that rocks, I'd consider getting one. It really does help them sleep and it's a lot easier than walking around bouncing them until they pass out. Even a tiny baby gets heavy after a while. If you do have a rocking chair/recliner, make sure you like sitting in it. If you don't, figure out how to make it better now. Pillows or whatever.

Also, you may find, like my sister, that you do not trust yourself or anyone else to sleep with the child in a bed. The rule was that if you held the baby until he fell asleep, you had to sit in The Chair, so that if you fell asleep there was less chance you'd crush or suffocate him.

When you get closer to your due date (I can't remember when your date is!), get yourself some infant glycerin suppositories and some finger cots. Hopefully you won't need them, but if you do, you'll really need them and you'll not want to be running out to try to find some when that baby is constipated and screaming. If you do end up needing to use them, be prepared for a really large mess when they work their magic. Babies are like portable holes and can hold a LOT more than it seems like is possible.

They'll cover this with you too, I'm sure, but just a reminder to have a spare washcloth or something when it's diaper time. In my experience, little boys LOVE to be free when they pee, so the second that diaper comes off the waterworks begin. My nephew loved to do it to the ladies, but did not try it with his daddy. Y-chromosome respect? The threat of mutually assured destruction? I dunno. But you plop a washcloth over the hydrant and he'll still feel diapered and not let fly.

It's really handy to figure out a schedule and stick to it. Waiting until someone cries in the middle of the night before you get up and fix a bottle is more stressful than making sure you wake up a few minutes early and have that bottle ready.

From what I observed, it's just way more stressful for Mommy to hear that crying than it is for anyone else, so a way to plan ahead and minimize it is sanity-preserving. My sister could not STAND it, and it may have even been a physical thing, I don't know.

If you have the baby in another room at night, you may really want a video monitor. My sister had one that normally behaved like a regular "sound only" monitor, but when you picked it up, you could turn on the video and see what was going on. It really increased her peace of mind. Except for one night when she turned it on and found an empty crib because the baby was with me....So. Video monitor, generally good. You can get a peek without stumbling around and possibly waking up the little one whenever your anxiety kicks in.

That's all that's coming to mind at this point.

I'm sure you're going to be fine. You're way more intelligent that the majority of baby-bearing humans. The baby will be able to tell you a lot - you'll learn what the different cries mean (mmmmNAAAAHHHH meant "hungry" in my nephew's vocabulary) and you'll get used to what happens when and all that. And if you're like my sister, you'll know when he's cold or hot because you'll feel the same way. I'm sorry it's stressing you out right now but try to trust that you'll handle it okay.

[missmiah.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I think I need to take some time out to focus on me rather than Mommy Me, and just chill out for awhile. It's been very baby focused here for the last month or two between the baby showers and my parents' visit, which were all wonderful, but now I think I should probably decompress for a bit and see if that helps.

[kauricat.livejournal.com]

I hope you will be able to recharge. It's gotta be so weird going through this. I mean, I'm jealous but also feel bad for you because it's obviously So Much to Deal With.

Also, thank you for the not-Thank You card. I loved it so very much!

[beeform]

Okay, so... I have no advice! But, if you need a virtual hug?

*HUG!*

Hope you get to spend some time relaxing away from the baby stuff.

I'm sending happy thoughts your way.