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I hate people. Let me just get that out there right at the beginning. I? Am not a friendly person. I'm terminally shy for the most part, I'm bitter, I'm cranky, I have an odd sense of humor and given a choice I am perfectly content to sit at home and talk to On-Line friends rather than wander around and attempt to meet new people in person.
Having said that - why the hell were people talking to me at Volde-Mart today? Did I have some kind of sign on my back saying "Pathetic, lonely loser in desperate need of human contact - Please annoy"? Was my usual look of disgust for mankind missing?
I've worked retail, I know the drill. You smile and make a few attempts at small talk with the customer because that makes them feel special and then they're more likely to return to your fine establishment. Also, your boss tends to hover somewhere behind you watching you like a hawk, waiting for you to forget the happy chatter so they can bust your ass on the quarterly employee evaluations. So I'm okay with Miss Sally-Mae Cashier staring at me with her cold-dead eyes and asking how my day is going. She doesn't really care, I don't really want to discuss the last three days of white-hot ice pick to the womb cramps I've been suffering through, we both nod and move on.
But then there's the older lady behind me in line who suddenly tugs on my sleeve and asks how much fat is in my Lean Hot Pockets. So, being the polite (yet cranky) person that I am, I look it up for her. Then she wants to know about the cholesterol. So I just hand her my ham and cheese hot pocket box. Which leads to a discussion on her cholesterol and do I have any problem with mine? Because, you see, I have a lot of fat-free and lean diet foods in my cart. Because she's been checking out my groceries! I've been grocery stalked by an old lady with cholesterol problems.
I got cornered in the cat litter aisle. As I reached out to put two containers of those litter crystals things into my cart Cat Owner Bess wanted to know if they really worked. Cause I look like the kind of person who enjoys spending $15 on something that doesn't actually do its job in relation to feline poo. However, in the spirit of not wanting to get rammed with a shopping cart for rudeness I simply said yes, it did work. And that's when Cat Owner Michelle spoke up from my other side, effectively trapping me between the two interested parties while they discussed the pros and cons of cat litter.
Finally, after two hours I'm on my way out the door and the alarm goes off because my copy of Land of the Dead didn't get run over the scanner thing enough. So I park my cart to the side and dig the DVD out and hand it to the lady and instead of going to scan it and make a note in her book and let me go she starts asking me about the diet food in the cart. Where did I find it? How much weight have I lost? Does it taste okay? All I want is to get my DVD and go home before my pizza rolls thaw.
Is that too much to ask?
Having said that - why the hell were people talking to me at Volde-Mart today? Did I have some kind of sign on my back saying "Pathetic, lonely loser in desperate need of human contact - Please annoy"? Was my usual look of disgust for mankind missing?
I've worked retail, I know the drill. You smile and make a few attempts at small talk with the customer because that makes them feel special and then they're more likely to return to your fine establishment. Also, your boss tends to hover somewhere behind you watching you like a hawk, waiting for you to forget the happy chatter so they can bust your ass on the quarterly employee evaluations. So I'm okay with Miss Sally-Mae Cashier staring at me with her cold-dead eyes and asking how my day is going. She doesn't really care, I don't really want to discuss the last three days of white-hot ice pick to the womb cramps I've been suffering through, we both nod and move on.
But then there's the older lady behind me in line who suddenly tugs on my sleeve and asks how much fat is in my Lean Hot Pockets. So, being the polite (yet cranky) person that I am, I look it up for her. Then she wants to know about the cholesterol. So I just hand her my ham and cheese hot pocket box. Which leads to a discussion on her cholesterol and do I have any problem with mine? Because, you see, I have a lot of fat-free and lean diet foods in my cart. Because she's been checking out my groceries! I've been grocery stalked by an old lady with cholesterol problems.
I got cornered in the cat litter aisle. As I reached out to put two containers of those litter crystals things into my cart Cat Owner Bess wanted to know if they really worked. Cause I look like the kind of person who enjoys spending $15 on something that doesn't actually do its job in relation to feline poo. However, in the spirit of not wanting to get rammed with a shopping cart for rudeness I simply said yes, it did work. And that's when Cat Owner Michelle spoke up from my other side, effectively trapping me between the two interested parties while they discussed the pros and cons of cat litter.
Finally, after two hours I'm on my way out the door and the alarm goes off because my copy of Land of the Dead didn't get run over the scanner thing enough. So I park my cart to the side and dig the DVD out and hand it to the lady and instead of going to scan it and make a note in her book and let me go she starts asking me about the diet food in the cart. Where did I find it? How much weight have I lost? Does it taste okay? All I want is to get my DVD and go home before my pizza rolls thaw.
Is that too much to ask?
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You have such a way with words. I love your descriptions.
This reminded me of a German lady I used to work with. She had a bad habit of swiping the candy wrapper or chip bag I happened to be eating out of during our breaks, and then she'd analyze the contents and express dismay over how bad it was for me. Rarg.
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