And then the cat barfed on the dog bed, as she does.

What is it, exactly, about a visibly pregnant woman that makes people (including strangers) feel like they need to step-in and act as some sort of surrogate parent?

I've made it to the ripe old age of nearly thirty-seven without attempting to stick my tongue in an electrical outlet or trying to drink a gallon of bleach... I think I can manage to find a seat when I feel like sitting down (or stand up when I feel like standing up) without needing to be told, thanks.

I'm not talking about the ones who are being extremely helpful and offering advice when I ask for it. Those people are wonderful. It's the unsolicited bits that annoy me.

My own parents do not attempt to mother me like this (which I am very thankful for), and I just do not understand why my grumpy-ass bloated face and cankles is suddenly inspiring so much concern. I know Hillary Clinton wrote that book about it taking a village to raise a child, but I don't think she really meant that everyone and their dog should feel free to offer every single word of wisdom, cautionary tale or flat out "don't eat that, it's bad for you" that pops into their head to which ever knocked-up lady they happen to see first.

I know they're coming from a well-meaning place, and I am super polite when I grin and bear it, but in my head I'm just so... GAAAAHHHH! I know my limits, I know when I need to sit or eat or drink some water or stand up and walk around or lie down or whatever, I'm a friggin' adult.

Also, I'm seven and a half months huge and I've got a squirmy alien parasite thing in my belly that likes to pummel my bladder and/or rib cage on a regular basis so forgive me for occasionally needing to just close my eyes and breath through the latest barrage for a few minutes. I'm not dying, the baby isn't coming OMG right that minute, I'm not even running the risk of peeing my pants (yet)... No one needs to panic, I promise.

Just chill, people. Trust me, when I'm in labor? You'll know. I'll know. EVERYONE will know. I'm not the type to grit my teeth and suck up the pain. There will be screaming. This is a promise.

So until there is screaming and/or possibly bodily fluids leaking from random orifices, we're all good, thanks for the concern though.

Also? Suddenly Braxton Hicks. BLERG.