missmiah: (Miah)
( May. 12th, 2015 03:25 pm)
Demon Spawn's usual speech therapist brought in another therapist for a second opinion because Demon Spawn hasn't been progressing as well as we'd hoped. He's actually regressed a bit. For every new thing he learns, he stops doing something else.

The second therapist used the words brain damage as a possible explanation once she heard about the circumstances around his birth.

My baby is a smart boy. He's just got a speech delay.

And my heart is breaking because I can't help think that it's my fault. If I'd pushed harder for a Cesarian instead of letting the doctor's force me to labor down for so long, if I'd pushed for the doctor to listen to me at his first appointment when I had concerns about his jaundice instead of being put off for another day, if I'd switched to formula faster instead of listening to the lactation consultant who kept insisting I needed to keep trying to breast feed even though my milk hadn't come in.

There are so many things I should have done and now I can't help but feel that I've failed him. I should have been able to protect him better.
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